ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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