ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
