based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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