So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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