I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fuck appropriateness.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize