my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
