; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
