Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
