there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
