you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
