Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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