YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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