Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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