so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
