dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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