"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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