nut hugger
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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