Tell her she can't have a vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
