i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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