Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
