i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
