oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
