Your tits are I can't wait for
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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