I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
MIDGETS
????
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
