i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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