You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
