I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
