They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
