Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
