my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
