ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
