your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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