oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
