My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize