woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
