you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My feet surprised me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize