Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
