the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
