I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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