so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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