pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
