she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
