I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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