We need to rekindle our bromance
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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