Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize