Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
