There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize