guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
