Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
