I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
