Plan B is the new Plan A
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize