someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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