I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
