fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize