It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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