Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
