Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
