i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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