Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
