Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just high enough for therapy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
