I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
