my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
