i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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