take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
