i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Vodka?
Forever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
