I need help removing her.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
