i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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