Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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