I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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