Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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