i just sent this text using only my big toe
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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