my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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