you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
