i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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