I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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