youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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