You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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