Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
