you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
