i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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