hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
