fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
