Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
