i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
