When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
