The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
this hospital has no fireball
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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