He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
