I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
