Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
