honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
