You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
