I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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