Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize