i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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