morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
