I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
