Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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