i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
