maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
