Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just invented taco cereal.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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