there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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