who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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